I Love You: Ginbelly Special Edition
by SkyChasingDreamer
Summary: How do you tell someone like Gintoki that you love him? Because Hijikata sure as hell has no fucking idea. HijiGinHiji.


**Title: **I Love You: Ginbelly Special Edition

**Pairing: **HijiGinHiji

**Rating: **NC17  
**  
Disclaimer: **No

**A/N I: **16 days until the new Gintama season!

**A/N II: **Art for this in my profile!

**I Love You: Ginbelly Special Edition**

Hijikata was having an unusually pertinent problem that wasn't typically something that caused him such ire. On a normal day, he got so busy with work that it never failed to feel like there wasn't enough time to get everything done. He wasn't currently having that problem. Instead, the day was crawling by and every single time he checked his phone, scant minutes had passed. Each tick of time made his stomach sink with equal parts dread and excitement.

He felt squeamish, actually.

Later, he had plans to spend the rest of the day with Gintoki. Normally that wouldn't be a big deal, he spent his afternoons with Gintoki often enough. Sometimes it was just to have a drink together, sometimes he met up with Gintoki's whole motley crew to go to the park or something, sometimes he and Gintoki met up at a hotel, and sometimes they went over to one another's places to relax. It all varied, but at _least_ once a week, if not more – unless both of them were too busy – they made time for each other.

It had been exactly one week since he'd last seen Gintoki and there hadn't been anything special about their last encounter. Hijikata had stopped by where Gintoki and the kids were working and might have thought to bring them some food he'd grabbed on the way. Only because when he'd spoken to Gintoki on the phone the night before he'd mentioned the job and how the reason he'd agreed to it was because the fridge was almost empty. Idiots though the three of them were, they couldn't do their best job at work with empty bellies – or so Hijikata had decided while on his way to see them, er, _Gintoki_. On his way to see Gintoki, not all of them.

A week wasn't that long and he and Gintoki had gone a lot longer without seeing or speaking to each other. Toward the beginning of their relationship they could go upwards of two to three weeks without any contact. That obviously wasn't true anymore, but it wasn't like they were super reliant on each other or formed their everyday around one another. Their lives were a natural flow of inclusive and exclusive, it was what worked best for them both.

When Gintoki had called not two days after that impromptu lunch between the four of them – Shinpachi had insisted he join them and Gintoki had raised no objections, only smirked – Hijikata hadn't thought anything of it. Why would he? That wasn't abnormal. They'd agreed on a time and Hijikata had taken on the responsibility of picking a place for them to go, which also wasn't something unusual for them. Sometimes Gintoki picked, sometimes Hijikata chose, it didn't really matter since the overall plan was to spend time together. However, it was right after he'd hung up that the butterflies in his stomach promptly died a fiery death and were sufficiently digested under a wave of nausea.

Unbeknownst to him, he'd come to a decision during that phone call.

This was it – this was the night Hijikata was finally going to tell Gintoki that he loved him.

It was something that hit him the moment the line with Gintoki went dead that night and it had stuck with him ever since. The admission wasn't strictly necessary for the two of them, but Hijikata felt he needed to do it. He'd loved a woman and had never told her so, he didn't want to make the same mistake twice. He needed to say it at least once and it was just his luck that Gintoki was so fucked up he'd feel unworthy the moment the words left Hijikata's mouth.

Hijikata hadn't even known just how deep of a shit pile he was in until one day he'd been arguing with Gintoki while holding Kagura back so she wouldn't go after Sougo who was pestering the dog that Shinpachi was trying to keep a hold of. It was amidst that absolute chaos that it had dawned on Hijikata with all the subtlety of a full magnitude level eight earthquake just how doomed he was, his timing probably couldn't have been worse. The epiphany had turned his fingers numb, which unleashed Kagura and that whole thing quickly deteriorated into a mess that had taken all of his physical effort and mental prowess to reign in.

To his credit, even though he'd promptly freaked out about realizing he was in love for the second time in his life, he hadn't run away from his personal apocalypse. He must have looked freaked out, too, because Gintoki had dropped their argument without pause and had gone right to his side. Gintoki hadn't pressed the matter when Hijikata said nothing was wrong, but he remained a presence next to him for the rest of their time together that day, excluding when Sadaharu had latched onto his head and dragged him away. At the time, Hijikata couldn't have put into words that all he wanted to do for the remainder of his life was serve the Shinsengumi and argue with Gintoki about stupid things. It was so much more than that, but also exactly that simple, he just lacked the finesse to deliver the sentiment.

Seriously.

He _seriously_ lacked all the ability to do exactly what he'd decided he was going to do later. He couldn't explain why after that one call it had careened into him that _it was time_, but once it struck, he didn't push it away. It _was_ time. For any normal relationship it was probably long overdue, but how would he know that? He'd never been in an actual relationship like this with anyone else and subsequently, this was the longest relationship he'd ever been in. His relationship with Kondo was obviously different than what he had with Gintoki and while Hijikata had strong feelings for Kondo and loved him as he would family, Hijikata didn't have a desire to profess such a thing to his Commander.

Hijikata had had nightmares about this, he'd been kept up at night with the worst kind of scenarios running through his head. He never wanted to assume anything and he knew enough to be able to say Gintoki liked him alright. Maybe even more than alright. Once they'd entered into the whole sleeping together thing, Hijikata never really second guessed it. It was what it was and Gintoki never asked more of him. Even when they were outed – on accident, to be sure, and a fiasco, definitely – Gintoki never batted an eye. All he did was shrug and affirm that, yeah, they were together, and that had been the basic extent of it.

It had been so easy for Hijikata to just follow along with it. He'd been given multiple opportunities, by Gintoki himself, no less, to refute everything, but he obviously hadn't. Sougo teased him a lot and referred to Gintoki in a whole slew of ways – boyfriend, boy toy, lover – but Hijikata and Gintoki never called each other anything like that. They just _were_ and the whole of it was so natural that Hijikata didn't feel like his life had actually changed.

That was perhaps one of the best things about being with Gintoki, he never asked for more. He might complain if they didn't see each other for awhile, but he never asked for anything more than Hijikata was willing or able to give. Gintoki always understood that the Shinsengumi came first and he never got in the way. He _understood_ and he _fit in_ rather than fight against it. Gintoki was a seamless addition to Hijikata's life and it had happened so effortlessly that Hijikata hadn't even known they'd been together over a year and half until Kondo had specifically asked about it. Kondo was by far one of the most supportive people toward their relationship and he was almost more considerate of Gintoki than Hijikata was.

When it came to Gintoki, it just turned out that Hijikata really liked waking up to a warm body in his bed. He liked shoving each other at the sink as they battled to brush their teeth, liked the smell that lingered on his things when Gintoki stayed the night, and liked finding little evidences of himself at Gintoki's, such as the mayonnaise bottle tucked away amongst a small army of strawberry milks. He liked having someone that challenged him and fought with him, someone that didn't let him get away with any bullshit. If he lied about how he was feeling, if he went too long without eating, if he put too much of himself into his work, Gintoki always called him out and got him back on track.

Not everything about working in the Shinsengumi was glamorous and it wasn't true that Hijikata enjoyed all aspects of it. Some cases could be genuinely upsetting and god, Gintoki was good at handling Hijikata when it came to that stuff. He always knew when something was off and he never really pressured Hijikata to say what was bothering him. Gintoki offered solutions without getting into the nitty gritty details, he just took Hijikata as he was and gave him the support he needed. A lot of times, Hijikata didn't even know what he needed until he was with Gintoki and feeling better than he had before. Or until Gintoki pushed just the right button until Hijikata exploded, purging all the things he'd been carrying around with him. He was never really sure how Gintoki managed to do those things with such ease, but he was grateful for it all the same.

Gintoki was good for him and in return, Hijikata had completely fallen for him somewhere in there. He might have even started the process the first time he'd actually met Gintoki on that rooftop, but it was difficult to say. To reach a point where he wanted to tell Gintoki how he felt, that was monumental for Hijikata and he was definitely struggling with it.

He was going to freak Gintoki the hell out.

He knew he was, it wasn't even a question. Gintoki wasn't going to take it well, he wasn't going to be comfortable hearing it, and it was more than likely going to end up in a fight. About what, it was hard to say. Something, anything, literally whatever Gintoki could grasp onto and spew out to try and drive Hijikata back. It wouldn't even be a surprise if Gintoki punched Hijikata in the face once the words left his mouth. There'd be a stunned silence in there somewhere, too, but then something would break be it the silence, an inanimate object, or Hijikata's own face.

Hijikata _was_ curious to see the look on Gintoki's face when he said it. He might even show what he was really feeling... for a split second before he completely lost his shit and threw up every defense he had. The impending fight would probably blow all their previous fights, even their worst ones, out of the water and into fucking outer space.

"Goddamn it," Hijikata growled to himself as the sudden urge to vomit made him stumble over his own two stupid feet.

"Fukuchou!"

Hijikata startled so bad he spun around and embedded his sword into the wooden frame barely a finger's width above Yamazaki's head. His heart was _pounding, _but that was nothing compared to the way Yamazaki looked like he'd just pissed himself. They were outside, in public, Hijikata was walking the streets on a patrol, and he'd definitely just hacked a good chunk out of a civilian home.

The day was already bad.

"What," Hijikata hissed, raining some wood chips down when he retracted his sword, "do ya want?"

"P-p-papers," Yamazaki replied, holding out the folder clutched between both his shaking hands, "the o-ones you asked f-for."

Hijikata snatched them away and looked the things over. They required his signature, but he wasn't going to sign away clarification for anything unless they'd been thoroughly inspected. The good thing was that he'd done most this stuff himself, so he could skim his own work and just focus on the new amendments. It all looked good to him, so he signed on the lines at the bottom and shooed Yamazaki with a look that could kill, the whole exchange lasting no more than a few minutes.

His heart hadn't slowed in the least and there was a passing worry that it might just give out altogether. It'd certainly solve, like, all his problems if it did. He was a grown man getting worked up over something so _trivial –_ _yeah, _because love confessions were trivial_ – _and it was pathetic. Once he said it, it'd be out, and, really, it wasn't like it would ruin their relationship or anything. They'd already seen the nastier bits of each other and if there was one thing Hijikata was sure of, it was that their relationship was secure. He wasn't worried about Gintoki leaving him, oddly enough. They were comfortable enough, they'd reached that _point_, and Hijikata felt that they had an unspoken understanding on the matter.

What he wouldn't give to be able to stop by Otose's and ask her advice! He'd done that before and had found out that not only was she easy to talk to, she could also drink him under the table without so much as a single slur in her words when it was over. He hadn't even meant to end up in her bar that one night, he'd just been waiting on Gintoki, who was running late, and then he'd just started _talking_. To Otose. About Gintoki. Not about Gintoki at first, but after a couple drinks he'd loosened up and the words had just spewed out of him – only because it had been just to the two of them, he'd never have said a word if Tama and Catherine had been there. In fact, he wouldn't have said a word about Gintoki if it were anyone else except Kondo across from him.

Otose never said anything about what she knew regarding Gintoki's past, Hijikata had a suspicion she didn't know much, but she could give Hijikata a valuable insight. She also wasn't afraid to tell Hijikata when he was being an idiot about something, which wasn't something he was all that used to. Otose was every bit a matriarch and Hijikata respected the hell out of her. She was the kind of woman that demanded respect without uttering a single word, it was written in her demeanor and Hijikata responded to that kind of presence in kind. She was good to him, she accepted him, a part of him even dared to believe she thought he was good for Gintoki – he couldn't bring himself to ask her that, but he hoped she thought so.

If he could just stop by and ask her... he didn't know what he'd ask her. Maybe he'd ask if he should tell Gintoki that he loved him or see if she thought it was a good idea. He was kind of curious if she'd ever told Gintoki she loved him. It was obvious that she did in a very motherly way, so if she _had_ told him then it'd be nice to hear how she'd done it and how he'd reacted. If she _hadn't_, well, then maybe she'd come to the same conclusions Hijikata had on the matter, that Gintoki would freak out and probably put space between himself and the person daring to voice their feelings for him.

It wasn't like he could ask anyone else's opinion, either. Kondo would make such a huge, embarrassing ordeal out of it and of course Sougo would catch wind of it that way. Then it would just turn into a type of hell Hijikata didn't want to contend with and it would likely lead to an early grave for him. Otose was the only person he'd talk to about this, but he didn't want to go there and risk running into Gintoki. Also, considering the time of day, the shop was probably busy and bustling with people. He did know, or at least felt comfortable thinking, that she'd let him pull her aside for awhile, but he didn't want to be a bother or interrupt her.

He was overthinking this whole thing, he knew that, he'd been doing that for days.

"Do you always go around brandishing your sword at your underlings?"

Hijikata started again, but not as violently this time. The sound of that voice was enough to keep his blood chilled, like he inherently knew that one wrong move could land him in the hospital. It could also possibly be argued that Yamazaki's voice just inspired violence out of him or something.

"I do what I need to," Hijikata replied, veering off to where Otae stood at the front of an open market with a basket hanging off her right arm.

He glanced around and Otae laughed. "Haven't seen him all day."

"Huh, neither have I."

That... really wasn't good. He was distracted today, had been for a few days, but that was no excuse to let anything slip in his daily life. Where and when had he last seen Kondo? If he wasn't stalking Otae, then maybe he was just back at the barracks? He should call, it was terrible he was suddenly so out of touch.

"Don't break yourself, I'm sure he's fine."

Hijikata's back went straighter and he focused once more on Otae. She was smiling to herself as she inspected some tomatoes, checking each one for soft spots before placing them into her basket. Hijikata awkwardly shifted and nodded to her in acknowledgment, but didn't really know what to say. He liked Otae well enough for the times he'd spent time with her, but they weren't really friendly enough to just stop and chat. Still, because of how he was getting to know Shinpachi, he felt he should at least _try_ with Otae. Strange how Kondo's fascination with her couldn't get Hijikata to try, but his relationship with Gintoki and by extension, Shinpachi, actually could.

"How... have you been?"

"About as well as a girl trying to resurrect her father's dojo can be, I suppose." Hijikata's face scrunched and he balked a bit, it only got worse when she laughed. "_Relax_! I don't bite, just punch and occasionally throw."

"Right."

He nodded and shuffled his feet, his hands compulsively getting shoved into the pockets of his pants. He wasn't good at this shit, he should just bid her good day and keep right on walking. Gintoki was the one that could handle himself around everyone and fit in with every kind of person while Hijikata was left floundering in social situations. Usually he had Kondo, Gintoki, Sougo, _someone_ as his buffer so that he didn't have to be the center of the interaction. He could already feel himself getting a little hot under the collar and flustered, his teeth grinding.

"Well, ah, I should ge –"

"Hold this."

She didn't wait for him to answer, she just thrust the basket into his chest expectantly and went right on with what she was doing. An elderly woman glanced at him and gave him a smile, but that just made things worse. He flushed and looked away with a scowl, the stupid basket held tight between both hands. There was a bunch of tomatoes in there along with some herbs, all of which were inexpensive. Otae was currently testing some melons by tapping them, checking their ripeness, and she picked them up to check them for bruises.

"Which do you think?"

He stood up straighter and his eyes flicked to the three melons she was pointing to on the rack.

"Uh... they look... the same?"

"They are, mostly, just pick one."

He used the basket to point to the one on the left, which she then picked up and walked off with. He just stood there until she stopped, looked back at him, and impatiently motioned for him to follow. She made her way over to the owner, someone she apparently knew due to their pleasant small talk, and she paid for everything once it was all looked at and accounted for. Hijikata was out of place up to his ears, but by god he stayed put until the whole thing was done.

"Thank you," she said when they were back on the street and she was taking her basket.

He cleared his throat. "I could've... you know."

"What?" She slipped the basket around her wrist so she could cradle the melon with both hands like a child. "Paid for this stuff?" He gave a curt nod and she laughed softly. "Do you do that for all the common people?"

"Er – no."

She started walking and this time he went with her without any prompting. "Then I don't expect you to do that for me. I'm a big girl, I can buy my own groceries."

"Right."

He was flushing again, he could feel it. Talking to women always fucked him up for some reason, like it was in the design of the planets that he just not mix with the opposite sex. And of course she was right, she – a shoulder bumped into his and he jolted.

"Are you always this high strung or did I just catch you on a bad day?"

"Ah, no. Well, not really. I should find out where Kondo is."

"You can do that in a bit, you're walking me to my street first."

He whipped out a cigarette. "As you say. Would you like me to carry those?"

"No, I can manage." She hiked the melon up like it was weightless and Hijikata, not for the first time, really questioned how strong she actually was. He'd seen demonstrations of her strength on multiple occasions and honestly, she was very impressive. "Shin-chan was talking about you the other day."

He was in the middle of lighting up his cigarette when she said that and he could have choked. He only _just _managed to disguise the inclination as an inhale because of sheer habit when it came to his addiction. Nicotine had never tasted so good on his tongue, at least, in that moment he could think of no other times.

"Oh?"

He hadn't meant to growl the sound, but in his defense, he was still flushed enough to feel it in his cheeks and even in his ears.

"Yes! He was telling me how that practice thing you showed him has been helping him."

And there was the deeper flush – he looked away, letting out smoke as he replied gruffly, "Good."

It was just something he'd shown Shinpachi when they had all gone to the park, it was nothing special. Kondo had shown him once upon a time back in the day and Hijikata was just passing the information along.

"I have something I'd like to ask you."

Hijikata glanced at her warily. "Okay... what about?"

Otae was smiling, but her eyes bespoke of a glassy seriousness. "I'm sure you can guess."

"A-ah..."

"Are you seeing him today?"

There was no mistaking who she was referring to and it seemed his face was just going to stay red, wasn't it?

"Yeah."

She side-eyed him, gaze flicking up and down his body, he saw from his peripherals. "I didn't ask to embarrass you."

"I know."

"So take a deep breath and loosen up." Hijikata couldn't bring himself to look at her as they walked and he shoved his free hand into his pocket just because. "For what it's worth, I'm happy for you both."

He really didn't want to discuss this with someone he barely knew.

"Thanks."

"Are you always this talkative?"

"I dunno what to say when I don't have someone to yell at." She laughed and there was a _tiny_ hope that bloomed in his chest telling him that maybe he wasn't making a complete idiot of himself. "M'not very good at expressin' myself."

_Isn't that the truth_, he thought sardonically and another spear of dread for later pierced right through his gut. In the spirit of fairness, however, he was comfortable with Gintoki in a way he wasn't with Otae. This was the first time he'd spent any time with Otae alone and at this point he couldn't say he was handling it very well. Women in general just... flustered him, there were no exceptions.

"I never would have guessed," she mused and Hijikata took a huge smoky inhale. "Not with the way you two are whenever you're together."

Hijikata only grunted to that and asked with the slightest irritation, "Is that all?"

"No. Is it serious?"

The question caught him so off guard some smoke went down the wrong pipe and he ended up gagging.

"_What_?"

"I'll rephrase, are you serious about him?"

"You c-can't just _ask_ somethin' like that!"

"I need to know," she said casually, coolly, as if they were discussing the weather. "Because if you're not, I'll have no problem crushing your balls right here and now."

He took a reflexive step away. "It's none of your business."

"I know. I'm being selfish in asking, I just want to make sure you're serious." Hijikata was scowling so hard he couldn't even reply and with each step he was more and more tempted to leave completely. "He's serious."

His head whipped to the side so fast he almost got vertigo and he blurted, "He said that?"

"No," her voice was a shade amused, "but I don't see someone like him getting involved with anyone unless he was serious."

"You shouldn't speak for him like that," Hijikata snapped, glaring to the side as he smoked more vigorously.

"You're right, but at least I have my answer now."

It was mixed anger and embarrassment that colored his face then and he expelled a furious cloud of smoke. He understood why she was asking, he was glad she cared about Gintoki enough to be protective, but that didn't mean he was comfortable discussing this or that he thought she had any right to his feelings.

"I'm glad," she said and gave him a warm smile. "I won't ask anything else, I promise. Surely you can understand being protective."

"Otae-san!"

Faster than Hijikata could fathom, the melon Otae had only just bought was hurled into Kondo's face so hard it sent him sprawling backward. The whole time, Otae's smile didn't waver.

"Well, I'll leave you to clean this up. Good talk, we'll have to do it another time."

"Yeah..."

She walked off looking pleased with herself and Hijikata sped over to Kondo's side. He felt... weird after that exchange with her. He felt accepted, maybe. He almost maybe felt like – no, actually, he didn't want to think about this too much. Instead, he knelt obediently by Kondo's side and waited for his consciousness to return.

He also finally braved a look at his phone.

Hijikata let out a few brilliant cusses after seeing that only half an hour had passed since he'd last looked.

-o-O-o-

It was just going on seven and Hijikata was seconds away from calling everything off.

Gintoki was going to figure it out.

He wouldn't be able to guess what specifically was on Hijikata's mind, but for how in tune and perceptive they were of each other, there was no way Hijikata was going to be able to hide anything. He was jumpy, uneasy, snappish, so Hijikata either needed to have an extreme mood flip or he needed to reschedule with Gintoki to a time when he had a better grip on himself. Though, he didn't think there would ever come a time when he'd be _okay_ if he knew he'd be telling Gintoki something so huge. There had been times all throughout the day that he thought he should just cancel his idea to tell Gintoki how he felt, not cancel their time together, but that made him feel even more sick to his stomach, like he was a coward for backing out.

He wasn't a coward, he wasn't going to back down, this was something he _wanted_ to tell Gintoki. That was what he kept telling himself because it was true and maybe one of these times repeating it in his head it might actually sink in and let him feel a little less like puking his guts out. He checked his phone again and his innards did a wonderful little knotting thing that was way more than just indigestion. He was in the spot he'd told Gintoki to come to and it was _nearly_ seven, so Gintoki should be arriving soon unless something held him up.

Hijikata was so wound up that he couldn't just stand still on the street and wait. Normally he'd light a cigarette, lean against something, all calm, cool, and imposing demeanor that warned people away. This time, though, he was too restless to stand still. He started pacing, but then figured that would be too much of a tell if Gintoki saw it, so he straight up started walking the length of the road. Back and forth, making it look like he was either heading there or going to check something out, totally inconspicuous.

He was just lighting his fourth cigarette on one of his passes along the street when Gintoki fell in step beside him, the familiar thunk of his boots a giveaway even before he materialized in Hijikata's sights. His heart, the traitorous organ that it was, seized in his chest and he dropped his lighter, the damn thing just slipped right through his fingers.

"Got it!"

And of course Gintoki was the type of person to be able to snatch it right out of the air while Hijikata had barely reacted, he hadn't even managed to move his cigarette away from his mouth. Gintoki looked up at him with a smile and there it was, just the one slight raise of a single brow coupled with a stilted pause and Hijikata felt his blood start to turn cold.

"Rough day?" Gintoki asked, straightening up and handing the mayonnaise lighter over.

"Kinda." _Get it together, idiot!_ "Had to scrape Kondo-san off the ground earlier."

They started walking again and Gintoki snorted. "As the result of an actual crisis or something unrelated to work?"

"Completely unrelated. His face just happened to smash into a melon." He took a drag. "That also just happened to be thrown by that Shimura girl."

"Heh, well, you have to admire her charisma. Was it seedless?"

"Of course not, he'll be hacking up seeds and sneezing them out of his nose for _days_."

"Isn't it true that if you swallow the seeds of a melon one can start growing in your gut?"

"Don't be dumb, that's just somethin' adults say to kids so they'll take special care to avoid the seeds instead of bein' careless and accidentally chokin' on them."

"Are you sure?"

"'Course I am."

"Then don't come complaining to me when Gorilla starts looking like he's pregnant and shits out a melon." Only Gintoki would think up something like that, it was enough to make Hijikata roll his eyes. "Oi, are we going straight to wherever we're going right now?"

"Don't see why not."

"Can we stop and get something to eat first?"

"You actually wanna _stop_?"

"Just to pick something up," Gintoki replied and smirked. "Not _stop_, stop. I don't plan on leaving that room for a long time, it might be good to have some food there."

"We can always call room service."

"Is..." Gintoki paused, confused, and Hijikata's face burned red, "what kind of hotel are we going to?"

God, he picked up on shit way too fast.

Hijikata blew smoke from his nose and looked away. "You'll see."

"O...kay. Well, I'm starving."

"Have you not eaten today?"

"Nope! Have you?"

He actually had to think back to try and remember when the last time he'd eaten was, but he couldn't recall. He hadn't eaten anything recently, he knew that much, he couldn't stomach anything with his gut coiled up so tight in a snake pit of nerves. Shaking his head, he finished his cigarette and had to do everything he could to resist the urge to grab another one right away. Chain smoking was a huge tell for himself and he knew Gintoki already had some suspicions, so he had to do all he could to not feed into that.

Hijikata turned them down a street and they passed a building that had them glancing at each other. Not three weeks before, they'd been tucked in together behind that convenience store for what was supposed to have been just some kissing, but had escalated into much more than that. Hijikata flushed at the memory and Gintoki smirked, even held his head higher like he was proud of himself. He hadn't brought them this way purposefully, it was mere coincidence, but it somehow served to release some bottled up tension.

As they walked, the rundown roads began to change into something more industrialized and he saw Gintoki looking around, his head swiveling. He didn't ask anything, they didn't talk much and didn't need to with all the people around making enough noise. When Hijikata started to veer off the street toward the very large and very tall building on the corner, the atmosphere altered.

"Holy shit," Gintoki breathed and stopped walking, his eyes on the building. "This is..."

"It's okay," Hijikata soothed, running the backs of his fingers lightly down Gintoki's arm and lingering surreptitiously at his wrist. "Just c'mon."

He almost didn't think Gintoki was going to follow.

Hijikata felt that all too familiar nauseous feeling rising in his throat.

There was just that _moment_ where Gintoki hesitated, but it passed and Hijikata was able to breathe again when a pair of strong legs once more matched him stride for stride. Hijikata had put a lot of thought into _where_ he wanted to tell Gintoki something so important and there were several factors going into why he chose a more upscale hotel.

First, no way was he going to confess in a love hotel. Second, while he wanted it to be in his room or Gintoki's, it was much more likely Gintoki would either leave or kick Hijikata out, depending on where they were, when he freaked out. Third, if he felt like he had nowhere to go, he might be more willing to stay in the hotel room. Fourth, there was zero chance Hijikata was going to drop a verbal bomb on Gintoki over a meal. Fifth, going to a nice hotel seemed like a good effort to make it somewhat special. Sixth, if Gintoki decided to throw or smash anything, it wouldn't be items that could potentially be important to them – such as, Hijikata's desk, Gintoki's Justaway clock, things of that nature. And seventh, if Gintoki's reaction _was_ to break Hijikata's face, there was a small clinic not two streets away.

See? He'd put some thought into this whole thing, he just hoped the choice of a hotel like this wouldn't totally put Gintoki off. That he was continuing to follow Hijikata, however slowly, was a good sign... he hoped.

Hijikata led the way inside and went to the reception desk while Gintoki hung back. Gintoki eyed the interior of the hotel almost suspiciously and Hijikata knew he was uncomfortable in such a venue. He probably felt out of place, Hijikata himself did as well, but it was a change he felt they deserved. They never went to the more upscale sort, never ventured out of the realm of their own rooms or shoddy hotels in a run down district. Hijikata knew he should have talked to Gintoki about this before doing it, but he'd also wanted it to be a surprise for them both. It wasn't terribly expensive and money was something he was entirely unconcerned with at the moment.

The receptionist gave him the room key after he'd signed the paperwork and he half-expected Gintoki to be inching out the door when he turned around. Much to his surprise, Gintoki had actually taken a couple steps closer to him, though, no farther into the hotel itself. He was looking around still, even stared at the water fountain like he expected it to start shooting him with high powered jets.

"I bet there's a lot of money in there," Gintoki commented when Hijikata went to him.

"So put a fountain in front of your apartment building, maybe people will throw some change into it for you."

Gintoki followed Hijikata to the elevator, mumbling, "That's not a bad idea..."

"I was kidding!"

"I'm not! A little spare change can go a long way!"

Hijikata pressed the call button. "Maybe so, but you've gotta at least have money to buy a fountain, which you don't."

"I'm sure I could find one in the trash somewhere."

"What..." Hijikata squinted at him, "kind of person throws out a whole fountain?"

"No idea, but you're talking to the King of rummaging through garbage. If there's a fountain out there to be found, I'm the one who's gonna find it."

"Not really sure that's something to be proud of, your majesty."

The doors opened and Gintoki once more had that _slight_ hesitation before following. Hijikata pushed the button and was actually amused at how Gintoki's eyes widened when he saw just how many floors there were. They were near the top, all the way up on floor thirty-seven of forty-five.

"I'll make you eat those words once I have a fountain and you don't."

"I don't want a fountain."

"You should," Gintoki grumbled and watched the little box in the corner show what floor they were passing. "Knave."

Hijikata bumped their shoulders for that and it was enough to get Gintoki to look away from the box for a second. How someone could have eyes as brightly red as Gintoki's, Hijikata didn't know. It wasn't the first time he'd speculated on it and it also wasn't the first time he'd gotten caught up this way. Gintoki's arms were crossed, probably to make him feel more secure, and they were both leaned back against the wall, shoulders touching – Hijikata wasn't sure which of them had made the move to keep them in contact.

"Bastard."

Gintoki's eyes crinkled at the corners. "Hush. As Garbage King, only I can trash talk."

Hijikata gagged. "And you're thinkin' I'm gonna allow ya to kiss me with such a filthy mouth?"

"In what universe do Kings not get to do what they want?"

"Probably in the universes where they're married."

"I..." Gintoki leaned his head back against the wall and narrowed his eyes. "Are you calling yourself my Queen or...?"

"No!" Hijikata hit him, mortified, and shoved him away. He hit him again just for good measure – what an idiot! "That's not what I s-said at all, asshole!"

"To be fair, you _can _be kind of a diva sometimes."

"Me?" Hijikata screeched, giving Gintoki another, harder, shove. "_You're_ the one that prances around when the floor is cold against your bare feet! And your _scream!_ Your sugar addiction, too! What kind of man craves chocolate and sugar like you do, ahn?"

Gintoki had started laughing at the prancing comment, but promptly gasped at the mention of sugar. It was in this little blip of time that Hijikata considered saying _the words_ right there on the elevator. He could pull the emergency stop right _now_ and then Gintoki would have nowhere to go. If – when – he freaked out, he could ping pong around the walls all he wanted, but he'd _have_ to hear what Hijikata had to say.

"The manliest!" Gintoki cried, grabbing the front of Hijikata's jacket and pushing him against the wall. "Only truly manly men eat what I do and have a body like mine!"

"You certainly don't make much sense in that regard," Hijikata conceded, his reaction to grab Gintoki's wrists only delayed by a fraction of a second due to his wandering thoughts.

"If anything, you're the more effeminate one," Gintoki said as Hijikata pried his hands away. "Those hips you have? Those are mayonnaise hips."

"You _crossdress_ and you're getting on me for _mayonnaise hips_?" He looked down and frowned. "What the fuck? I have man hips!"

"They're slender," Gintoki clarified, "like the curves of one of your mayonnaise bottles."

"Hold the fuck up!" Hijikata pulled out the mayonnaise bottle he had tucked away in his inner pocket. He looked at it, looked at himself, then held it down by his hips, his almighty frown intensifying. "I think his royal highness needs to have his eyes check."

"No, no, look here." Gintoki pointed to where the neck of the bottle started to widen, then touched where Hijikata's side curved down into his hip. "Slender, see?"

Hijikata punched him in the center of the chest and held nothing back when he did it just as the doors finally opened. He had to grab onto Gintoki's sleeve and drag him along to make sure he made it out before the doors closed again.

"Suck it up, asshole, you had that comin'."

Gintoki made a dry sobbing sound, but straightened up and stumbled after him. By the time they entered the room, Hijikata was already shrugging out of his jacket. He needed to cool off, he'd been feeling unnaturally hot for what felt like all goddamn day. His scarf he left to hang around his neck for the time being and he hung up his jacket while Gintoki went straight over and opened the balcony door a little bit.

"We're closing that the second it gets too cold in here."

"It won't get too cold," Gintoki chided, looking strung up and uneasy in a way he hadn't in the elevator.

"For _you_, maybe."

"Ah, shut up."

Gintoki took off his boots and rested his bokken by the balcony door, continuing to stand there, likely for the fresh air. He knew Gintoki would need some time to adjust, he wasn't used to things like this and definitely didn't feel as if he deserved something as small as a nicer room for them to spend time together in. That was just how Gintoki was though, Hijikata had learned that the hard way and so gave Gintoki some space to acclimate himself. That he was removing some of his articles was a good indication, so Hijikata took off his own shoes and sword as well.

He watched Gintoki eye the room, inspecting every corner of it, not trusting it the way he was mistrustful of everything. It was both sad and amusing, sad because Gintoki had been through so much that he was constantly ill at ease and amusing that he was going so far as to tap a bedpost with his foot to make sure it wasn't going to jump out at him. When it didn't, he must have deemed it alright because he gingerly sat down on the bed. He tested it with both his hands and bounced up and down a couple times to get a feel for the mattress.

"You can stop staring," Gintoki said.

Hijikata smirked and kept right on staring. "Has it passed your omnipotent inspection?"

"It'll do," he sniffed and patted the bed. "This thing is comfortable, come join me."

Hijikata narrowed his eyes at the hand softly patting the comforter, but went over anyway. He'd been waiting for the invitation to approach and he did so readily, nearly tripping over himself as he wriggled his socks off. It was then with the utmost flair that Hijikata stumbled a little on his way over and smashed his mouth against Gintoki's with a painful clink of their teeth. Gintoki let out a bark of laughter after a sharp curse and Hijikata flushed with curses of his own dropping from his mouth. Still chuckling, Gintoki grabbed the back of Hijikata's head and guided him into a much gentler and fuller kiss. His other hand rested securely and comfortably on Hijikata's hip, fingers squeezing.

Hijikata was so goddamn nervous and Gintoki probably knew it on some level. Romantic gestures weren't something either of them typically did... _ever_ and this, the hotel room, wasn't exactly a romantic thing, it was just new. Kind of new, weirdly new in that neither of them felt it was necessary, but it was something Hijikata wanted to do anyway – he was allowed to do things just for the hell of it.

And for menial ulterior motives like saying that three word phrase for the first time.

But whatever.

Hijikata cupped Gintoki's jaw and took his time sliding his hands back to thread his fingers into Gintoki's hair. They kissed slowly, at one point Gintoki tried to speed it up, but Hijikata eased it right back down. Despite Gintoki's grunt of protest, he gave a pleased sigh and opened his legs a little wider for Hijikata to fit comfortably between them. Hijikata liked pulling on Gintoki's hair to angle his head just right and the slant of their position had Hijikata leaning forward and down for their mouths to meet the way he wanted. Gintoki purposefully bumped his nose into Hijikata's and it was enough to get him to open his eyes so he could send a halfhearted, cross-eyed glare Gintoki's way. It was an utterly failed attempt at a glare of admonishment because Gintoki only smiled and bumped their noses again before catching Hijikata's lower lip in another kiss.

It was really nice that they didn't have to hurry, that there was no hourglass hanging above their heads dictating how much time they could spend together. Gintoki didn't know that, but then, he didn't really need to know. Not yet, anyway.

Hijikata pulled back and was relaxed against the nervousness that still gnawed at the back of his mind along with every inch of his intestines. He was content with the familiar and so kept his eyes closed as Gintoki nibbled down his chin to his neck. Gintoki had a hand pressed flat against Hijikata's lower back and it wasn't fair the way he kept kneading at the knotted ball of built up pressure at the base of his spine. Hijikata kept a hand in Gintoki's hair, no longer gripping tight, and ran his other hand along Gintoki's shoulder.

Against Hijikata's better judgment, he started to pull away and Gintoki, though his fingers twitched, let him go. His head cocked to one side and Hijikata pointed to the bathroom before heading that way. He just... needed a moment. He really was hot and trying to keep up appearances that he wasn't thinking himself in circles was exhausting. He closed the door behind him and went to the sink where he then splashed cold water into his face. He tried to avoid looking himself in the mirror, but he ended up doing that anyway. It took one look for him to feel sick to his stomach and he had to slam his fist into his open palm in lieu of punching the wall, mirror, countertop, or all three.

It was a great bathroom, his mental instability aside. The shower was big, the tile clean, and everything was arranged in what he'd consider a pleasant manner. The towels and wash cloths were folded neatly and it probably said a lot about him that he wanted to just trash the place. Such uniformity was disconcerting when he was more used to chaos and clutter. Even the Shinsengumi was less organized than this stupid, immaculate bathroom.

Fuck, he needed to get his shit together and _fast_.

Flushing the toiler for theatrics, he went back out into the room after taking exactly three deep breaths. Gintoki was sprawled out on his back a little diagonally, left arm bending up behind his head while his right one rested across his stomach. Hijikata sat down, then scooted farther so he could lean back against one of his arms. His eyes went to Gintoki who was staring up at the ceiling, expression almost unreadable save for a muted thing Hijikata could only call veiled detachment. It wasn't quite cold in the room, but Hijikata was starting to think he should have kept his jacket on or at least near him. Actually, that probably would have been smart since Gintoki had a stupid thing for his jacket and anything that might comfort him in any way Hijikata was more than willing to provide.

Should he get up and get it? But wouldn't that make Gintoki feel guilty and close the door when it was fine open? Why was he overthinking? He should just go over and grab the damn thing, make it look casual and shit. But then... what if Gintoki tore it or something after Hijikata said the words that were definitely lodged somewhere in his esophagus?

"Why do you keep staring?" Hijikata blinked and oh, fuck, he _was_ staring. Gintoki's gaze flicked over to his, he'd probably seen Hijikata from his peripherals. "It's rude to stare."

"T'ch! Don't flatter yourself," he retorted, pointedly looking away. "You're nothin' to stare at."

"Ah, don't be like that, mayora," Gintoki whined, voice teasing. "I'd stare too, it's okay, Gin-san is used to it."

Hijikata swatted the bastard's head for that one and Gintoki chuckled, then went right back to staring at the ceiling. It was a comfortable quiet, though, there were certain things notably different about it. Normally, given such a chance, Hijikata knew Gintoki would jump him and he'd be naked – or at least mostly so – by now. But his clothes were obviously still on and Gintoki's mouth wasn't on his and that said something.

He knew something was off, that was what it said.

It was fine, really, if Gintoki wasn't going to press for anything and be the usual leech, Hijikata would just have to set the pace, minus the leech business. He'd show Gintoki that everything was alright. He was going to keep it simple and subtle, maybe relax Gintoki a bit because he could tell Gintoki was still inherently tensed at the new surroundings. Stupid bastard needed to get over that shit already... though, he understood why it had come back so aggressively. He'd gotten so used to shitty love hotels that this place probably sent up red flags and triggers everywhere.

He could reach out a hand and start with that? No, it almost seemed a bit too simple. He was a man and this was his lover, he could do whatever he damn well pleased! Huffing, Hijikata crawled over to Gintoki, not stopping until he'd maneuvered himself in so he was sitting cross-legged between Gintoki's legs. He pulled Gintoki closer to him, ignoring the stupid little noises he heard, until Gintoki's butt was in his lap, legs resting over his hips.

"You work today?" Hijikata asked, a slight flush to his face as he attempted to make the whole thing seem entirely natural.

"Uhhhmmm..." Gintoki blinked stupidly at him and he glared. He could feel the rigidness in Gintoki's body, but it had gotten a little better and it wasn't like he was going to comment, that'd only put Gintoki even more on edge. "Work? I – yeah. Delivery boy."

Hijikata rested his elbows on Gintoki's thighs, fingers lacing. "Delivering what?"

"Groceries."

There had to be some irony in there that Hijikata had run into Otae while she was grocery shopping and somewhere out in Edo Gintoki was playing deliver boy.

"Good, something easy."

Gintoki hummed and put his arms behind his head as a pillow, a tentative smirk tilting his lips. "Easy?"

"Hn," Hijikata grunted with a nod. "Not even you can fuck up grocery boy too bad."

Gintoki's mouth opened in faux shock. "Mayora is so mean!"

And there was the pout, that stupid, cute pout that only made Hijikata snort and smirk. They lapsed into comfortable conversation then, bantering back and worth about work, the kids, the faction, and along the way, Hijikata's right hand began to wander. Only a little bit at first, simply touching Gintoki's thigh and watching his reactions. Gintoki didn't seem to notice too much beyond glancing at it for a split second before continuing the conversation. So Hijikata let it wander some more until it was just resting on Gintoki's stomach and he really didn't seem to be paying it any mind.

Minutes went by and there was mindless chatter, a relaxed atmosphere, and equally mindless reactions – Gintoki's stomach was absently rolling into his hand. It took Hijikata longer than it should have, but once he became aware of it, it stole his attention. Gintoki was prattling on about how many groceries a single person had ordered, eyes on the ceiling, and Hijikata was staring at his hand and the way Gintoki's stomach would press into his palm when it had no real reason to. His gaze flicked from Gintoki's face, then down to hand, again and again, watching and making sure and he was positive Gintoki wasn't doing it on purpose. The idiot probably didn't even know he was doing it, but every few seconds Gintoki's stomach would twitch or roll, always toward Hijikata's touch, never away.

It was interesting to watch and intriguing that it was uninetional. Once again, it felt like one of those innocent traits of Gintoki's, an endearing reaction at its core. Hijikata knew all about Gintoki's tummy fixation and though he didn't completely understand it, he'd been with Gintoki long enough to know it was a hotspot. All things considered, now wasn't a bad time at all to be exploring some more. Couldn't hurt, honestly, and it might even help them both some.

"Off," Hijikata said, hands going to a black belt he was proud to say he was actually good at taking off now.

"And then Kagura – what? Off...?"

"Dumbass." Hijikata undid the belt and gave the yukata a meaningful tug. "Off."

Never one to have a problem removing clothes, Gintoki wriggled his arm out of the yukata and Hijikata unzipped his black shirt. An expanse of muscle covered in creamy pale skin was revealed to him and he gave Gintoki's chest a shove when he attempted to fiddle with the shirt. With an _umf_, Gintoki fell back against the bed and chuckled for some reason, probably a stupid one.

Gintoki liked belly things – tummy rubs, scratching, biting, all the belly things. Granted, Gintoki had a really damn good looking stomach. Broad and flat with definitions of muscle and ridges of bone highlighted by slopes and light shadows. The scars Hijikata knew to be delightfully sensitive when handled right and he sure as hell knew what to do to illicit the best reactions. Hijikata had never had a problem with Gintoki's tummy fixation, there was something weirdly endearing about it somehow, but he wanted to do more with it. He knew it could arouse Gintoki as easily as it could relax him and Hijikata was well acquainted with how to do the former – like that was hard, yeah, right – so he was interested in how best to go about the latter.

"Keep going," Hijikata instructed.

"Ah... where was I...?"

"Something about your girl."

Gintoki blinked a few times, gaze skittering before landing on the balcony door. "Oh, right... Kagura grabbed the Amanto by his –"

Hijikata was half-listening as he placed his palms flat just below Gintoki's septum and while he was careful about the amount of pressure he used, he could still feel just how firm Gintoki's stomach was. First with muscle and brawn, then with an immeasurable strength that had no definition. The skin was warm and pliable, the scars a rougher texture, but even those had their own degree of smooth softness to them.

Sliding his hands down to Gintoki's pants, he spread his fingers wide and slid them back up to the base of Gintoki's ribs. He avoided his bellybutton and didn't get too close to Gintoki's sides knowing that that was a surefire way to get Gintoki going. His lover really was sensitive in quite a few places, big and small. That worked for Hijikata just fine, though, it was still surprising sometimes just how sensitive Gintoki could be to the simplest and even the lightest touches.

Hijikata's fingers and nails – for he'd begun lightly scratching on the journey down – followed the grooves of Gintoki's abs, the skin twitching the entire way. There was a quiet in the room, Gintoki having trailed off and lapsed into a silence somewhere in there. The only sounds were the drag of skin on skin and the muted noises wafting in from outside the door. Hijikata wasn't cold yet, but with Gintoki's belly being bare, goosebumps would erupt over his skin if a certain spot was stimulated.

Hijikata knew exactly which spot to go for, so he leaned down and blew a gentle breath along Gintoki's side on the right. It was mesmerizing to watch his nipples harden, his skin twitch as goosebumps eroded everywhere, and honestly, just watching made a little trickle of heat start down Hijikata's spine and end up in his gut. Gintoki had a really fucking great body, far be it from Hijikata not to continue to indulge himself.

Swallowing, Hijikata shot Gintoki a look, hands never ceasing. "What is it with you and your stomach, ahn?"

"Nothing. It's where my food goes, so obviously it's very important."

Hijikata had to smirk at the way Gintoki could say something like that with such conviction, like it was the gospel truth of truths. There was a warmer light gleaming in Gintoki's eyes and he had only one hand behind his head, the other one was curved above it and gripping at the bedspread. A tension remained in Gintoki's body, but Hijikata was sure at this point that it was morphing into a different kind of tension. He only wanted to relax the moron, but apparently he was doing something wrong because he was arousing the bastard instead.

Whoops.

So, he stopped using his nails and only touched lightly with the pads of his fingers, even taking his palms off. He looked back down at Gintoki's chest and stared at his skin, the scars, the muscles, the invisible trail of his fingers. All throughout, there was not a sound from Gintoki. He was still stuck on the quiet side, like there was a physical blockade in his throat that stopped up all the sounds. It was frustrating and a bit disheartening – Hijikata was fantastic in bed, dammit! – but he knew that Gintoki wasn't meaning to do it and that helped some. It would be nice if he could find a way to get Gintoki making noise, legitimate _noise_. He could get Gintoki to make some sounds – a sigh, a grunt, a growl, maybe a groan – but it was still so _limited_ and he wanted so much to hear Gintoki let loose.

Despite his intention to just try and relax Gintoki, Hijikata couldn't help his hands from starting to wander. His palms went back down, pressing and dragging, his nails scratching, so light and teasing they didn't even leave a mark. He liked feeling out Gintoki, touching just to touch with good, mostly innocent, intentions behind the actions. A little trill went through him each time goosebumps made an appearance and he chased them away with his fingers like he himself was the one that had the power to smooth them back down. It struck him that this wasn't a tummy rub, but rather a belly massage, not that he cared what it was called. Silent though Gintoki was, he was positive Gintoki didn't care one bit either so long as it felt good.

Grabbing Gintoki's sides, he placed his thumbs down and pressed, moving them in firm circular motions. With a grunt, Gintoki's back arched and glancing up, Hijikata smirked at the look of sheer bliss on Gintoki's face. His eyes were half-lidded and for the most part glazed as Gintoki stared at the ceiling without actually seeing it. The bastard was attractive with his permy hair fanned out and that – admittedly cute – tiny furrow of his brows. It was almost like he didn't want it to feel as good as it did, so he tried to deny the pleasure.

What a hopeless natural perm.

Leaning up after shifting onto his knees, ignoring the way Gintoki tensed beneath him, Hijikata pressed their mouths together and huffed, amused, as Gintoki enthusiastically nipped at him. He felt Gintoki's hands start to move and he shook his head _just enough _to discourage it. The best part was that Gintoki actually listened to him and went right back to gently clutching the bed. It spurred Hijikata on that Gintoki was being compliant, sometimes he could be such an ass about things regarding control. Wanting to roll them, flip them, pin him – Hijikata didn't mind these inclinations, but that he could quell Gintoki's innate desire to do it, that gave him a heady little rush.

Pressing firm, lingering kisses against Gintoki's gentle bites, he was able to coerce Gintoki into kissing softly. Gintoki took cues from him and followed his direction with just some temperate prompting on Hijikata's part. He wanted to move things along faster, like he usually did, but going slow was paying off, so he could keep his impatience in check for now. And besides, there wasn't a specific goal here other than to touch and feel and _be_ with Gintoki.

It also gave Hijikata a moment's peace because he _finally_ stopped obsessing over when he was going to tell Gintoki _the thing_.

Hijikata's fingers pressed and massaged into Gintoki's stomach, nails abrading just a little more fervently, even dipping into Gintoki's bellybutton, causing bout after bout of goosebumps. Their lips meshed in soft kisses, tongues eventually tangling in languid swirls and probes. All the while, Gintoki behaved and under normal circumstances Hijikata would tease Gintoki for it, but he wouldn't this time. That would mean they'd have to stop kissing and Hijikata just really wasn't willing to threaten what they had going just for some little irrelevant jabs.

Hijikata moaned into Gintoki's mouth, the other's tongue deep in his own, sliding over the roof of his mouth. Gintoki's legs never tightened around him and there were only soft, barely there sounds other than the light smack of their lips, but there was no overlooking how much Gintoki was enjoying it. Hijikata's eyes were closed, but he could _feel_ Gintoki's pleasure without having to see it. Just the way Gintoki's stomach reacted and moved into his touches, the small adjustments of Gintoki's body, the slight hitch of his breath every so often.

Cracking his eyes open then, Hijikata pulled back abruptly with a surprised noise and stared down at Gintoki whose cheeks were... dusted in red. He blinked and Gintoki's eyes slit open to reveal irises of molten red that were hazy, pleased, and comfortable. Surprised once more, Hijikata sat up a bit straighter so he could look down at Gintoki's pants and _damn_ those things looked tight. Gintoki's cock was straining against them, tenting the front, and while he'd known Gintoki was enjoying himself, he hadn't known just how much. Humming, Hijikata reached down and unbuttoned Gintoki's pants, pushing and moving both pants and boxers down just enough for part of Gintoki's dick to be exposed laying flat on his lower belly.

"How..." he glanced up at Gintoki's slightly flushed cheeks, "you're close right now, aren't you?"

"You have no idea."

Gintoki started to move, maybe to sit up, but Hijikata leaned over him again to keep him in place with a throaty murmur of, "Where were we?"

There was a soft squeak of something like shock before Hijikata had their mouths pressed back together and his hands were massaging again. Really, Gintoki must have a hyperactive libido to get aroused by every single little thing. Or maybe it was just the magic of Gintoki's stomach, who really knew. Hijikata smirked into the kisses, finding the whole thing fucking hot despite it being a little weird as well, and let his right hand slide all the way up so his fingers could brush Gintoki's left nipple. Gintoki grunted into his mouth and Hijikata pinched the pert nub between his fingers at the same time his other pointer finger dipped into Gintoki's bellybutton.

He tried to keep his hips away, but with the way he had to lean forward for them to kiss, he couldn't quite manage it. A twisted part of him wanted to see if he could get Gintoki off with a belly rub alone sometime, but for now, he allowed his hips to brush gently against Gintoki's, giving him that extra friction. Hijikata himself was reacting to Gintoki's pleasure, but since he had more control over the situation, it was a little easier for him to pour his attentiveness into Gintoki.

And the bastard was seriously close! Gintoki's breath hitched as Hijikata's hips started up a slow grind, his back arching into Hijikata's hands and teeth nipping at a chapped bottom lip. Hijikata was enjoying it, feeling Gintoki getting closer and more frustrated with having to hold back and not retaliate. Hijikata's fingers pinched and flicked harder, alternating between nipples while his other hand massaged more firmly and teased every place he could. His groin only touched where Gintoki was covered, leaving the head of his cock to leak onto his lower stomach under the attention.

It was actually another surprise when not a few minutes later Gintoki's head turned to the side, panting, and a harsh flush entered this cheeks, body drawing taut and bowing off the bed into Hijikata.

"Ah, ah, ah, not yet," Hijikata breathed and smirked as he moved one of his hands down.

He pushed that hand into Gintoki's pants and circled his fingers around the base of Gintoki's cock, cinching without mercy. Gintoki's mouth fell open in a soundless cry and he squeezed his eyes shut tight, his back bowing to a degree that looked painful.

"_God_, fuck you!" He trembled from head to toe, it was amazing to watch. "I hate you so much right now!"

Gintoki shuddered and shook, his hips barely thrusting to no avail, and his fingers twisted harshly on the bed. One hand shot out and grabbed onto Hijikata's shoulder, attempting to push him away, but all he did was clutch onto his vest. Glancing down, Hijikata groaned with want at the sight of Gintoki's stomach muscles rippling and locking up. The head of his cock was red and damp and the vein along the underside pulsed with each painful looking quiver, Hijikata could feel it against his hand.

"Hate you," Gintoki was babbling, his voice strained and his fingers not loosening their grip.

Moaning softly under his breath, Hijikata tore his gaze away from such a tempting sight and kissed along Gintoki's neck up to his cheek. He made his way to Gintoki's temple before nuzzling his nose into the soft curls there and taking in the strong musky scent spiced with sweet. The mood had managed to remain relaxed and calm as he listened to Gintoki pant and get his breath back. Though, he wasn't going to wait that long before getting a kiss. Reaching up his right hand, he buried it in Gintoki's hair and turned his head toward him so he could get what he wanted as Gintoki's body steadily went more and more slack.

Gintoki's other hand left the bedspread and wrapped around Hijikata's neck as they lapsed into indolent kisses. A tremor was still running through Gintoki and he was breathing unevenly through his nose, but his fingers were loosening, his nails no longer digging in.

"Hate you so much," he whispered.

Hijikata finally released Gintoki's dick and pressed his palm against Gintoki's quivering stomach. "You'll get over it."

He reached down and pulled Gintoki's boxers and pants back up to cover him, earning some grumbles that he silenced with a particularly hard kiss. Once Gintoki was covered, Hijikata lowered himself down on top of him and used his arms to cage Gintoki in. He could feel Gintoki's cock straining still, but Hijikata wasn't really that much better off and enjoyed the friction against his own clothed groin.

"Holy _shit_," Gintoki hissed, turning his head to the side, "you're an asshole."

Hijikata bit none-too-gently at Gintoki's neck and hummed in agreement. He felt his scarf get thrown off and Gintoki's hands went for the buttons of his vest, which he was more than glad to shrug out of. Gintoki helped him get it off and before long they were both only clothed from the waist down. Hijikata had pulled Gintoki's shirt the rest of the way off and got him to wriggle off it so that could join the clothes piling up on the floor. They started situating themselves and Gintoki pulled the large white pillow, everything on the bed was white, beneath his head.

Hijikata fit himself against Gintoki's left side and he was so glad to have removed part of his clothes because the feel of their heated bare skin flush together was every bit what he wanted in that moment. He used Gintoki's shoulder as some leverage to see him better and liked the way Gintoki's arm curved around to tug on a patch of his hair. Not a fistful of his hair, just a patch that his fingers carded through and teased with gentle pulls. Gintoki had bent his right arm back and had it behind his head, looking to all the world like he hadn't just been denied an orgasm.

"You know somethin'?"

"Hm?"

Gintoki smirked faintly and his brows furrowed. "This would be a lot easier if your thigh weren't grinding against my crotch."

"Right," Hijikata murmured, but didn't move.

He ran his left hand from Gintoki's hip up to his ribs, then back down again, unable to look away. His bangs were brushing Gintoki's temple, black mixing with white in a somewhat sticky mesh from the light sweat on both their brows.

_Now_, a small voice in Hijikata's head urged, _do it now – say it._

His mouth opened, Gintoki's face had melted into something so content and, fuck, but the man was really handsome. Gintoki was relaxed with _him _despite being somewhere new in a bed foreign to them. Hijikata could feel his breaths starting to come in quicker successions and he knew Gintoki noticed because he gave another little tug on Hijikata's hair before he peeked an eye open.

It was pure reflex and a desperate need to hide the look on his face that had him upper cutting Gintoki beneath his chin.

"_Ahh_-tut-tut! Fuck! _Why_?"

"Reflex!"

Gintoki rolled onto his side so he was facing away and he clutched his jaw. "Fuck your reflex! That hurt!"

"It wasn't that bad, you big baby!"

"You punched me!"

"We do that all the time!"

"Argh! The pain! The agony! The – damn." Gintoki gave a low whistle. "They actually do have room service."

Stretching out, Gintoki grabbed the small binder off the nightstand and propped himself up on an arm to look it over.

"Told ya."

"Still would have been cheaper to stop at the store."

"Who cares?"

Gintoki peeked over his shoulder incredulously. "Me? I care? Because I'm cheap as hell?"

"And weren't you in pain a moment ago?"

"Still in pain, but hunger pains are winning out over abuse pains right now."

"Abuse pains," Hijikata growled, nose scrunching.

He felt bad – kind of – but hey, that punch just saved him from having to explain why he was mooning over Gintoki. It wasn't the first time Hijikata had utilized that tactic and it wasn't the last. Broaching such heavy topics wouldn't be good for them, especially now that Hijikata had a lump in his throat of words that still needed to be said.

Hijikata stared at Gintoki's back, eyes tracing the scars, and his fingers twitched to touch. He needed... he didn't know what he needed. Gintoki only had eyes for the binder and things were _good_, he wanted this to really mean something. He wanted...

"Oi."

"What?"

"I wanna top tonight."

"Sure," Gintoki replied without pausing or glancing over. "But why are there no prices to any of this stuff?"

"Because they don't want you to know how much they've jacked up the prices."

"That's messed up." He closed the binder with a snap. "I'm sure there's a store nearby we could go to."

"No. Bring that stupid thing over here and pick something."

Sighing, Gintoki rolled over onto his opposite side so they were facing each other and opened the binder between them. It didn't take long for either of them to decide and Gintoki was all too happy to call in their food with a few extra things for them to keep in the mini fridge for later. Hijikata still hadn't told him how long they were staying, so he just thought Gintoki was planning to have that stuff on the walk home.

"That's a huge TV."

Hijikata gave it a glance. "So turn it on, check it out."

Gintoki grabbed the remote and settled in next to Hijikata, close enough that they could feel each other's body heat without actually touching. The TV was a flat screen mounted on the wall across from the bed and each channel came in crystal clear. It wasn't anything like what Gintoki was used to, so he went through every single channel just to see them before settling on an old rerun of Doraemon. He tossed the remote behind him and they both absently watched the show while on their sides facing toward one another.

"Woah," Gintoki pulled the hem of Hijikata's pants down a bit to show off the sizable bruise on the ridge of his hip, "where'd this come from?"

"Hm? Ah, that's nothing. Had to make an arrest yesterday and the guy just really didn't wanna be arrested."

"How strange someone would feel that way," Gintoki mused sarcastically and he was still inspecting the bruise. "Jeez, did this guy karate kick you or what?"

"Nah, he tried to run and in pursuit I rammed my hip into the overhang of a stoop."

"Ouch."

"It's not bad so long as some idiot doesn't keep poking at it."

Gintoki pressed his finger down harder. "Like this?"

"I'll punch you again. Don't test me, you know I'll do it."

The prodding fingers stealthily retracted and slid up Hijikata's side instead. Hijikata didn't pay it any mind until he found himself on the receiving end of a titty twister that would likely leave a bruise of its own. Gintoki laughed and Hijikata promptly shoved a pillow onto his face and pressed down on it with one firm hand in the center. The knock on the door was the only thing that saved Gintoki's life from the threat of suffocation just then. Wriggling, Gintoki vaulted off the bed, got his foot tangled in the blanket, he screamed, fell on his face, and crawled valiantly the rest of the way to the door. Hijikata covered his face with a hand for a moment because _that_ graceful creature was the man he was desperately in love with and there were times he couldn't fathom how that had happened.

When Gintoki returned to the bed with a huge tray between his hands, Hijikata sat up. He still wasn't hungry, but he had to put up appearances and given that he still couldn't remember when he'd last eaten, it was probably a good idea to get something in his stomach. He still felt like he was going to vomit anything he ate right back up, but if he didn't eat, Gintoki would start with some questions he didn't want to answer.

Not that Gintoki was paying him any attention at all. He'd already gotten into his food and must have set himself to _inhale_ because it didn't look like he was chewing as he shoveled in mouthful after mouthful.

"Good?"

"Shh. Eat."

Snorting softly, Hijikata took the top off his meal and picked at the fried rice. He'd just gotten something simple that he doused in mayonnaise to give it the right flavor. He ate a good portion of it, but with each bite his already full stomach felt like it was even fuller, which in turn made him feel sicker. It was a nasty process, so he made sure to move enough of his food around to make it look like more of it had been eaten. He definitely ate all the parts with mayonnaise, as if he'd leave any of that untouched. He was sickly, not _dying_.

"So good!" Gintoki proclaimed as he fell onto his back, his empty bowls left on the try.

Since he wasn't paying any attention, Hijikata quickly covered his food back up and moved the tray to the floor. He opened one of the bottles of water that had come with their meals and got himself to drink a few mouthfuls. It helped his dry throat, but that was about it – the lump in there remained very much in place.

"You want a shower?"

"Why? Do I smell?"

Hijikata hit him. "You know what I mean!"

"Nah, I'm good. Did you bring some of our lube or do we have to use the hotel's stuff?"

"Idiot, this isn't a love hotel."

"Ah." The thought hadn't even occurred to him, it was obvious. "So..."

Hijikata hit him again. "Yeah, I brought some lube!"

"Which one?"

"Not the smelly one."

"It's not smelly, it's scented!"

"I'm all for scented lube, but what you picked is smelly."

"It's strawberry."

"It reeks." His nose curled. "Actual strawberries don't smell bad, the stuff you got does and I don't like that smell lingering after we're done."

Gintoki stretched out and rubbed his stomach. "So you brought that clear scentless one then?"

"It's the only one we have left."

"You know, I still laugh sometimes that you actually looked for a mayonnaise scented one."

"They had everything else under the sun! Mint chocolate chip, whiskey, cocktail, bacon, spearmint, frutopia, they _should've _had mayo in there somewhere!"

"Yeah, too bad," Gintoki mumbled without an ounce of sympathy. "You gonna get it or are we just gonna talk lube all night?"

Hijikata got up and went to where his jacket was hanging, but paused when he got there. He could say it now, if he could summon the courage. He was out of Gintoki's reach, so if he lashed out the most he could do was throw something. Hijikata glanced up at him through his fringe and Gintoki sure looked relaxed and comfortable. He'd hate to ruin that, but saying those words was going to ruin everything no matter what, so maybe it was best to just blurt them out?

He had to wonder, too, if Gintoki had ever thought about saying them. That curiosity burned Hijikata up and he wanted so much to ask, but he didn't even know where to start. How would he react if Gintoki were the one to say those words to him? Blush, definitely. Get flustered, without a doubt. But... he'd be happy, too. He wouldn't do something weird like go around grinning or laugh like a maniacal mad scientist. He'd just be happy, inwardly, and possibly shove Gintoki's face into his shoulder so that he couldn't see the look on his face.

"Take much longer and I'm gonna fall asleep," Gintoki called and put one leg over the other. "This bed is too comfortable for you to just _leave me_."

"Is that a whine I hear?"

"Might be." A pause. "Why are we here?"

It took everything in Hijikata's power to keep his hands steady as he felt around his jacket to find the lube. He'd expected Gintoki to ask something like this, only he'd expected it a lot sooner, like, right when they'd walked into the hotel. He wasn't sure if this was meant to throw him off or if Gintoki had done this strategically, the only thing he did know was that Gintoki had been thinking about it since he saw the hotel.

"It's a hotel, we got to them often enough."

"Not like this and you know it."

Hijikata shrugged. "Wanted a change? Sougo knows our usual places and here there's no chance of being interrupted by him or your kids."

"And how long did you book this place?"

See? Nothing really got by Gintoki.

"Checkout is tomorrow at noon."

"Ah."

"That a problem?" Hijikata asked, finding the lube and finally daring to look over.

Gintoki's face was unreadable. "No."

Okay, yeah, it definitely wasn't helping that Hijikata had no idea what Gintoki was thinking. His window of opportunity to say _the thing_ had closed and so he returned to the bed, lube in hand. He tossed it onto Gintoki's chest and set the lighting the way he wanted it. He dimmed it down so it wasn't so bright and cast everything in a more orange glow that allowed both of them to see just fine, but not feel like the luminosity was glaring. Unbuttoning his pants, he pushed everything, including his briefs, off and stepped out of them. Gintoki hadn't moved the whole time, so Hijikata kneeled on the bed and told him to lift his hips so Hijikata could pull the rest of his clothes off him. The comforter had gotten pushed down by then and had collected at the base of the bed. That was probably for the best so it was out of the way and didn't get too messy.

Gintoki spread his legs for Hijikata to fit between them and pulled Hijikata up into a kiss by the back of his neck. It was something Hijikata welcomed completely, it was way easier to shut his useless brain off when he was wrapped up in Gintoki. Both of them were half-hard, but Hijikata didn't buck his hips into Gintoki's just yet. He just rested on top of him, caged his head in, and kissed him. _Thoroughly_ kissed him with fingers in his hair and everything. Gintoki's hands traversed along Hijikata's back and shoulders, nails skimming with a tantalizing friction.

Hijikata was tempted to reach for Gintoki's hand and take hold of it. They rarely held hands or anything like that, but they'd done it before, even if it was just during sex. It was strange for him to want to grab Gintoki's hand as something to keep him grounded and that was why he resisted, it would be a much too obvious sign of his inner distress. With Gintoki's firm body beneath his, arms around him, that distress wasn't exactly sticking. It kept fluctuating, but when Gintoki did things like bend his knees to cradle Hijikata closer or swirl his tongue around Hijikata's, it was hard to form coherent thoughts, much less feel distressed about anything.

"Here," Gintoki grunted, pressing the lube into Hijikata's hand.

Hijikata shifted back onto his knees. "You want it to burn a bit?"

"Yeah," Gintoki stretched both arms above his head and his back arched, his stomach taut, "god, yeah, that sounds good."

Nodding, Hijikata lubed up the fingers of his right hand and had enough presence of mind to drip some lube along Gintoki's cock. It was amusing watching him twitch slightly with each drop and Hijikata followed some of the drips with his eyes as they slid down between Gintoki's ass cheeks. His mouth went dry and he pushed Gintoki's legs farther apart before running his slick fingers over Gintoki's hole. It wasn't a surprise when Gintoki tensed, but after a few deep breaths, he was relaxing again and stared sightlessly up at the ceiling.

Hijikata rubbed his hand up and down from Gintoki's sack to the bed, letting him get used to the feeling. When he was relaxed enough, Hijikata skipped one finger and went right to slowly pushing his middle and ring finger in. Gintoki hissed and one of his legs twitched, but beyond some tightening, he didn't put up much resistance. It sung, Hijikata knew it did, but that was what Gintoki was in the mood for and Hijikata was going to deliver. Except now Gintoki's hips were wriggling from time to time and Hijikata hadn't really started moving his fingers yet, so the movement was an inconvenience at best.

"Quit squirming!"

"I wouldn't if you gave me something to do with my mouth."

"What does your mouth have to do with your ability to hold still?"

"Incentive."

"Oh, so now you have to be properly compensated in order to not squirm?"

"It doesn't hurt."

Rolling his eyes, Hijikata let himself be pulled up by his hair until they were kissing. He had to adjust his position a little to keep his fingers at a good angle, but that just meant bending his back into more of an arch. It wasn't the most comfortable thing for him, but he really couldn't give a shit once Gintoki started kissing him. Hijikata's fingers were even held motionless for an extra moment because of how passionately Gintoki kissed him. There was teeth and tongue, forehead bumps and nose brushes. It was altogether lewd and hot and Hijikata couldn't get enough of it. Not when fingers were tugging at his hair, a hand scratching down the length of his spine, and strong legs tightening against his sides.

Hijikata moved his fingers in and out, unable to reach Gintoki's prostate with how they were, but that didn't really seem to matter. Gintoki was able to relax in a way that, once upon a time, Hijikata wouldn't have thought possible. Their foundation of trust was so strong now that any uncertainty or uneasiness could be pushed aside and the rush of pride that filled Hijikata's chest was enough to make him want to reach for Gintoki's hand again. He didn't, but his thumb brushed back and forth again and again over Gintoki's forehead while the rest of his fingers curled in permy hair.

His body was reacting to everything, the kissing, the touching, the small brushes of their bodies in different places each time they breathed. Sweat was forming on their skin as the heat escalated and Hijikata swallowed the grunt from Gintoki when he spread his fingers a little. Their breaths were coming in more ragged, but it was inconceivable to stop kissing. At least, Hijikata was wholly unwilling to stop or even slow. His cock was hard even without direct stimulation and he was so turned on it felt like he was on fire beneath his skin.

How could it not be hot having someone as strong and independent as Gintoki spread out willingly beneath him? It didn't matter how many times they did this, it was literally not something Hijikata could get used to. That Hijikata could become like _this_ just fingering the man and kissing him, it was kind of annoying, honestly. When they were taking things slow, of course he wanted to make it last and make it good, but that was exceedingly difficult when Gintoki was so fucking sexy without really even trying to be.

The bastard.

Hijikata wanted to finger him some more, but with his cock giving needy throb after needy painful throb, he knew he'd have to get to it soon or risk really fucking everything up. He pulled away from the kiss and snorted as Gintoki made a noise of discontent and followed Hijikata's mouth up to steal a few more kisses.

"_Okay_," Hijikata barked, finally pushing Gintoki down with a hand on his chest. "You're a _menace_."

"Whatever I am, I'm horny, too."

"Horny menace, then," Hijikata amended and Gintoki stuck out his tongue. "Ready?"

Gintoki nodded and let his legs be maneuvered the way Hijikata wanted them. Lining himself up, Hijikata took a deep breath and canted his hips forward. The moment the tip of his cock touched Gintoki's hole, Hijikata was hissing. It felt good, hot, he breached the tight ring of muscles and he slammed his eyes shut as he fell forward, pushing himself farther in. It took only a small thrust to get him fully seated, his sack touching Gintoki's skin.

"Shit!" Hijikata cried and grappled for anything he could get a good a grip on, which turned out to be one of Gintoki's shoulders that he clawed at and punched. "_Fuck_ – don't move, don't you dare fuckin' move!" Gintoki laughed and slid a hand between them to soothingly brush Hijikata's stomach up and down with the backs of his fingers. "That is not helpin'!"

"Oh... I was unaware you were expecting me to be helpful."

"Don't patronize a guy with his dick up your butt."

"So sexy," Gintoki said, biting his lip, probably to stifle a smile. "It's so hot when you talk dirty."

"You certainly know how to kill a mood," Hijikata grit out drily.

"The mood's dead?" Gintoki looked up to the ceiling in thought and unexpectedly flexed. "Huh. It sure doesn't _feel_ dead."

"You dumbass! Quit it! Stop, stop, stop, _stop_!"

Hijikata's whole body was rigid and he was so locked up he couldn't move until Gintoki relaxed. Then, he smacked the bastard on the shoulder and ground his teeth, eyes shut tight. He was breathing heavily through his nose and trying to get that burning in his stomach to go away or at least simmer down.

Opening his eyes was a mistake.

Gintoki was the picture of attractive that was downright deadly when coupled with the flush at the edges of his cheeks. Rarely did the man have color in his face like this and it was only ever reserved for special occasions. When he bottomed was one time and whenever he was about to cum, but aside from that, he didn't usually have a blush there to highlight his features. His lips were parted, his mouth was kiss swollen, and his eyes were cracked open and glazed. His bangs stuck to the sweat on his forehead and when he looked at Hijikata, his mouth kicked up into a half-smile that went straight to Hijikata's heart.

Except... the thrush of heat that stole over Hijikata's whole body was... uh-oh.

"Fuck!" Hijikata yelled and slammed his hips forward with such abruptness that Gintoki yelped and smacked an open palm against Hijikata's back. Hijikata thrust his hips and shoved his face into Gintoki's shoulder as he rode out his extremely fast and supremely embarrassing premature orgasm. "Shit! Goddamn _everything_!"

Each ripple of his short orgasm was like a badge of chagrin and he was blushing from head to toe. Gintoki remain compliant against him and Hijikata thought he felt Gintoki's toes curl somewhere in there, but the shame coursing through him beat out everything else. It was an orgasm, so of course it felt good, but it was completely overshadowed by how glaringly pathetic it was that he'd cum so soon when they'd only just gotten started. Hijikata went still once the last surge went through him and then he was all too aware of how Gintoki's body was trembling slightly.

"If you're laughin', m'gonna kill ya."

Gintoki shook his head, but when he kissed Hijikata's shoulder, there was a definite smile there. Hijikata's breaths were coming in heaves and he hated that, but what else could he do? Stop breathing. Yeah. Escape the whole situation by passing out so he wouldn't have to deal with the aftermath of cumming too soon and leaving Gintoki with his cock throbbing between them. That was probably the worst part of the whole thing, he could feel Gintoki's dick between them and it was so hard it was probably leaking. It was also neglected, but Gintoki wasn't trying to buck his hips to get more friction or anything.

Gintoki was running a soothing hand up and down Hijikata's back, but it wasn't helping very much. Knowing he couldn't hide forever, Hijikata raised himself up on his arms and refused to look at Gintoki as he pulled out. His cum loyally followed him out and he had to reach over to the nightstand for some tissues, which he should have grabbed first. He cleaned up after himself and he could feel Gintoki watching him, but he really couldn't get himself to look up.

"That was –"

"Shut it."

"I was gonna say nice."

Hijikata glared to the side. "Sure it was."

"Stop acting all wounded, it's not the first time either of us has done something like that."

"Yeah, but –"

The pause was notable and Hijikata flushed. "But...?"

"Nothin'."

Gintoki sat up and Hijikata tensed, but all Gintoki did was kiss Hijikata's cheek. It was just a light kiss and Gintoki spread more of them down Hijikata's jaw to his neck. He stopped and buried his face there, then took a deep breath that was definitely Gintoki scenting him. The exhale made goosebumps prickle to life along Hijikata's arms and chest, the cooling sweat making him extra sensitive. Hijikata couldn't guess what Gintoki was thinking, so he held still and just enjoyed the closeness.

"Mind taking care of me now?"

"S'probably the least I could do."

"How considerate." He kissed Hijikata's pulse point. "Suck me off?"

"I guess."

"You should jump at the chance to nibble my nuts or at least be a little more enthusiastic."

"That somethin' you're sure you want me nibblin'?"

Gintoki snorted and shoved Hijikata down onto his back. "I'll take my chances."

Crawling over him, something that was a lot hotter than was healthy, Gintoki straddled Hijikata's head and took a firm hold on his hair. Hijikata opened his mouth and took Gintoki in, humming at the taste of him. Gintoki was so hard that his precum lathered over Hijikata's tongue, not that he minded it at all. He'd always had a thing for how Gintoki tasted and the way he smell, too, if he was honest. Really, just anything about the guy Hijikata tended to like, even the things he didn't like.

Gintoki's cock pulsed on Hijikata's tongue and he made sure to give the best head he possibly could. He took Gintoki down deep, all the way until his nose brushed curly hairs, and hollowed his cheeks out as he sucked. Gintoki was essentially fucking his mouth and he liked it, they both had a thing for this kind of roughness. Moving a hand up, he wrapped his fingers around the part of Gintoki's dick that wasn't currently down Hijikata's throat. He pumped as he sucked and bobbed his head, his tongue flicking against the slit where more precum was coming out.

Above him, Gintoki let out a sigh and his eyes were shut in concentration. He was close, the blush was back in his cheeks and the sight of him above Hijikata was quite the spectacle. His muslces rolled beneath his skin with each thrust into Hijikata's mouth and even though Hijikata's eyes were a little watery, he could see the sweat lining his body, adding a sheen to it. His cock throbbed larger and Hijikata decided that this wasn't quite what he wanted to have happen.

Just as Gintoki's cock started to pulse, Hijikata squeezed at the base and Gintoki doubled over letting out a hoarse strangled sound. His fingers twisted painfully in Hijikata's hair and his cock pulsated on Hijikata's tongue, but nothing came out. Gintoki's front was bowed forward and he was letting out some choked, broken noises that made him more vocal than usual. Despite the pull on his hair, Hijikata forced his head back until Gintoki fell free and twitched uselessly against his collarbones.

"What the fuck is _wrong_ with you?" Gintoki snapped, yanking on Hijikata's hair punishingly.

"You're gonna cum when I'm fuckin' ya."

Gintoki's eye twitched and his lips were drawn back in something resembling a snarl, but his fingers mercifully loosened.

"I really don't like you." His body was still trembling and he added a very emphatic, "_Really_."

"That's okay." Hijikata squeezed with his fingers to start moving Gintoki. "Scoot back."

Sighing, Gintoki shimmied backward so he was straddling Hijikata's stomach instead and that was a lot more comfortable right away. The blanket pooled around Gintoki's hips and thighs as he ran a hand through his hair, the sweat there helping to keep it slicked back for a few seconds before it sprang in all directions. Gintoki rutted gently against his stomach and Hijikata snorted. He tightened his grip on Gintoki's hips and pushed him up just enough so that he couldn't get the friction he was after. Falling forward, Gintoki collapsed with his face buried in Hijikata's neck and it was honestly hard to hold back his amused smirk when Gintoki made a _weh_ sound right in his ear. They stayed that way – motionless, suspended, their breaths slowly evening out – so long that Hijikata's arms began to ache from holding Gintoki up.

"You good now?"

Gintoki nodded, so Hijikata lowered his hips and sighed as their skin was pressed flush, Gintoki's hard cock trapped between them. Hijikata slid his hands up and down Gintoki's sides, then over his hips and up the curve of his spine. Gintoki's breath gradually came out in steady warm gusts and the only signs of tension were the coiled knots in Gintoki's back and in the way his fingers were curled.

"I used to think you were an okay guy," Gintoki mumbled.

"Well, that was a mistake," Hijikata replied and pinched Gintoki's ass cheek hard enough to make him yelp.

They stayed there like that for a few long minutes and Hijikata was _gripped_ by the idea of whispering _the thing_ into Gintoki's ear. He'd just have to tilt his head and Gintoki would be able to hear even the faintest whisper. They were both calm and quiet, this wouldn't be the worst time to say those words. But even thinking about, Hijikata felt that lump returning to his throat, all the things left unsaid accumulating there like a sticky ball of gooey rice. The food he ate earlier churned heavily in his gut and for just a second he felt it might be a good idea to rush to the restroom, just in case.

Before Hijikata could deliberate more, Gintoki turned his head and nosed at Hijikata's cheek. Swallowing thickly, Hijikata looked over and... not good... Gintoki's brows were furrowed and he was _staring_. He knew something was up and Hijikata didn't bother trying to guess what had tipped him off. It could have been something as small as Hijikata's fingers clutching a little too tightly or maybe Gintoki had felt his heartbeat pick up when they were doing nothing but resting against one another.

Desperate for Gintoki not to ask anything or see too much, Hijikata squeezed his hips and entreated, "Sit up?"

Gintoki stayed put and kept watching for longer than Hijikata liked, but he didn't say a word about it. He even had to make sure he didn't do something really stupid like hold his breath, then he knew Gintoki would be questioning that as well. He was starting to think Gintoki wasn't going to move when, with a lurch that should not have been as fluid as it was, the muscles in Gintoki's thighs twitched and he slowly sat back. He settled comfortably on Hijikata's lower stomach and he was such a sight that Hijikata's mouth went dry.

"Put your arms above your head."

Gintoki's brows popped up in a near imperceptible gesture, but he didn't refuse. Hijikata wasn't really sure what he was expecting Gintoki to do, but to see him touch his fingers to his own hips and start sliding them upwards over his skin...

Hijikata froze.

Gintoki, for how forward he could be when it came to his wants from Hijikata, very rarely did things like this. Touch himself, do things for himself, touch just for the sake of touching, go out of his way to make an effort when he didn't expressly need to, and it had every bit of Hijikata's attention. He openly stared at the trail of Gintoki's fingers over his own stomach and how they followed the dips and valleys of his abs. The muscles twitched when they were touched, as if surprised even though Gintoki was the one doing it himself. He skimmed over his right nipple, felt out his collarbones, wrapped the fingers of his left hand around his neck, and brushed his right hand through his hair.

Hijikata's knuckles were white with how tight he was holding onto Gintoki's hips.

"Like this?"

Hijikata nodded, just once, curtly. Both hands were now in Gintoki's hair and with his arms up like that, it stretched out his stomach. Sliding his hands up Gintoki's sides, Hijikata moved his right hand in and pressed his palm flat over Gintoki's bellybutton. He spread his fingers wide and pushed his whole hand up the center of Gintoki's stomach, all the way to his breastbone. He felt it when Gintoki's breath hitched and there was no missing the way his muscles tensed when Hijikata's left thumb massaged the edge of his stomach along a lengthy scar.

"Fuck."

The word was hardly more than a low hiss, but it _hadn't_ come from Hijikata. Eyes wide and lips parted, Hijikata stared at Gintoki's face. His eyes were closed and his brows scrunched low, he almost looked pained. The tip of his cock was slick with precum and spit and before long he'd be leaking onto Hijikata's stomach. Gintoki's muscles were bunching up and trembling and his hands were gripping his hair like he was about to tear out some fistfuls. He didn't rock his hips and he didn't make a move to get more friction, he was just letting Hijikata touch him.

Holy shit.

_The thing_ almost fell out of his mouth right then and there.

_ Almost_.

His mouth even opened and everything, but he just couldn't get them passed the lump lodged in his throat. Gintoki was starting to writhe on top of him while also trying to fight it, so each movement was subtle and strained. He bit his lip and turned his head to the side, a grunt turning into a gasp on the tail end of the sound. Hijikata dug his nails in and scratched four red line from the top of Gintoki's stomach all the way down to his happy trail and Gintoki absolutely _shuddered_. His cock leaked over Hijikata's skin and when he bit himself on his inner wrist, Hijikata was done in.

"O-oi!"

The sound was very loud and Gintoki's eyes opened, the red of his irises bright. His teeth retracted from his skin and he leaned down at the same time Hijikata pushed himself up. Their mouths kind of hit at a bad angle, but it sure didn't stop them from devouring each other. Gintoki's arms wrapped around Hijikata and the only way to describe the way he clung on was that he _clawed. _He found harsh purchases on Hijikata's skin, but neither of them were being anything like gentle with each other.

With poorly concealed subtlety, Gintoki lifted himself and reached down to grab Hijikata's hard dick. He really didn't know what was happening until Gintoki was lowering himself and taking Hijikata in. He'd known he was aroused, but he hadn't known just how short Gintoki could cut his refractory period. A whole litany of curses fell from Hijikata's mouth, but Gintoki swallowed every single one of them. He took Hijikata's face between both of his hands and they kissed with all the hungry desperation of two people that had been separated for far too long. Gintoki's hips started to roll and Hijikata could do _nothing_ to slow him down or even summon the want to slow any of this down.

Gintoki had been on the edge for so long that it was no surprise that he came first and it didn't take very long. What _was_ a surprise was that Hijikata followed suit after grabbing Gintoki's hips and indulging in a few more thrusts. He blamed the sheer power of Gintoki's orgasm to account for why it hadn't taken Hijikata very long to cum a second time. Gintoki had just kind of fallen apart as he rutted against Hijikata's stomach before coloring it with spunk. It also wasn't fair that Gintoki had intentionally pressed on Hijikata's bruise to add a little pain to his pleasure.

They'd stopped kissing just after Gintoki had cum, but only because he'd started biting and eventually bent his head down to latch onto Hijikata's jaw. They were a tangle of arms and legs, of jagged breaths and twitching muscles. Gintoki seemed to be having a particularly difficult time of getting himself together and it was hard to say if that was because of the orgasm denial or something else entirely.

"Ah, s-shit," Hijikata muttered and even to his own ears, his voice was sex rough and hoarse.

_Say it now!_

But the words never came.

Instead, he found himself turning his head and pressing a lingering kiss to Gintoki's neck. A salty residue was left behind on his lips, but he didn't mind the taste of it.

"I think I just ejaculated all my vitality."

"Nnn... I thought you felt heavier."

Gintoki started leaning backward and he would have fallen completely if Hijikata hadn't wrapped his arms around him tighter to keep him up. Gintoki's body and head were bent back like a broken doll and it was a little disconcerting, but the view was nice. His throat bobbed with each heady breath and the lines on his stomach stood out stark against his pale skin. Cum was on both their stomachs and it looked especially good on Gintoki.

"You look like a fainted damsel."

"I don't have the energy to care."

"Think you could lift your hips?"

"Mm – I suppose."

He raised himself until Hijikata slipped free and they both winced. Cum dribbled out into Hijikata's lap, but he just helped Gintoki settle back down so they could sit together for awhile longer. Gintoki would likely start feeling some discomfiture soon since he'd only been prepped with two fingers and technically got fucked twice – even if the first one had been drastically short lived. Gintoki had such a high tolerance for pain that getting fucked with no prep probably wouldn't make him slow down very much. He was just that kind of dumbass. Hijikata was going to have to take some special care later to make sure Gintoki was comfortable and call him out when he claimed he was fine, but really wasn't – he did that a lot.

"Ugh, I need t'clean up," Gintoki grumbled and hoisted himself up with a grunt.

They both used tissues to wipe themselves and Gintoki disappeared into the bathroom for a few minutes before coming back out in his boxers. The red scratch marks were still stark on Gintoki's stomach and Hijikata could feel some answering scratches lining his back. It felt good and he didn't want to see if the bite to his jaw left a mark or not, it'd only piss him off if someone was left in such an obvious place.

"Let's get some fresh air."

Gintoki wrapped himself in the comforter and headed for the balcony. There was a metal bench out there and it actually provided a pretty scenic view of that district of Edo. Hijikata pulled his briefs on the rest of the way and followed him out, but not before grabbing his cigarettes and a bottle of water from the fridge. It was probably ridiculously expensive, but once more, he couldn't bring himself to give a shit about money for the evening. When he got outside, Gintoki opened up the blanket and spread it out to allow Hijikata enough room to get in next to him. It had gotten pretty chilly, so the warmth of Gintoki's body was extremely welcome.

"Not worried about being seen, are you?"

"Ghh... at this point, if Sougo can find us and if he does anything to bother us, make no mistake, I will kill him."

They both went silent and each looked around.

"I'm kinda expecting a bazooka blast to be fired at your head right now," Gintoki whispered, eyes skittering from left to right. "He has a sixth sense for these things, I'm sure."

"Kinda like you and sugar, you always seem to know when there's a sale nearby."

"That's a lot less threatening to your life than a bazooka."

"My wallet doesn't agree."

"Don't talk to your wallet, that's weird."

"I seem to recall a time not too long ago where you begged your wallet to give you more money."

"I was drunk, that's not the same thing."

"Right..." Hijikata sighed and leaned back. "I think we can stop looking."

Gintoki's eyes were still flicking to different things beyond the railing. "It's usually when someone begins to relax that shit goes down."

"Good thing you're _never_ caught off guard."

"Your sarcasm is unappreciated."

Hijikata hummed and watched Gintoki lean forward to get a better look at the ground below. His bangs were buffeted by a draft the closer to the railing he got and Hijikata had an urge to reach over to brush them back. It would do no good, they'd just get messed up again, but he didn't really care.

It occurred to him that he could tell Gintoki now, could let the words slip form his mouth and hopefully get caught and carried away in the same draft pushing around their hair. He sighed and took a larger puff of smoke that he let out through his nose in a cloudy gust. Nicotine had always been the perfect thing for him postcoital and this was no exception. It dried out his throat even more, but it put such a nice buzz at the back of his head that he couldn't care. That was what he'd brought the water out for, anyway.

Gintoki was a long warm line next to him and he pressed his thigh over to make sure it touched Gintoki's from hip to knee. Boxer and briefs alike got in the way, but it still felt nice to be cocooned up with another human being. One he trusted, no less.

Loved and trusted.

"Mayora?"

Hijikata watched the smoke billow out.

"What?"

"Is something wrong?"

"No."

He wasn't lying.

There was nothing wrong with how they were and what they were doing. Even with the ups and downs they had and the general turbulence of life itself, there wasn't really anything Hijikata would change if he could.

He looked over and Gintoki was watching him, a certain mask up to hide what he was thinking. Those masks still bothered the hell out of Hijikata, but how could he fault a man for protecting himself? Maybe it was that he'd seen glimpses of what was behind those masks that gave him the necessary traits to put up with them. Because Gintoki was worth sticking around for, even if he was an ass most of the time.

"Why?"

"No reason." Gintoki looked away and Hijikata's stomach churned. "Do you know how to make circles out of your smoke?"

"'Course I do." Hijikata raised the arm on Gintoki's side. "C'mere."

Gintoki's hesitation was so brief it was barely there as he fit himself beneath Hijikata's arm, their sides pressed together. Due to their angles, Gintoki had to slide forward just a little bit, so they weren't quite hip to hip. Hijikata took a long drag and on his exhale, he did a familiar thing with his mouth and created a ring of smoke that quickly got taken up by the draft once it floated out far enough.

"Do it again, I'm gonna make an arrow."

Snorting, Hijikata mimicked what he just did and let Gintoki pull the cigarette toward him. He took a quick inhale and his version of an arrow was literally just a mass of shapeless smoke that went out in all directions.

"_That's it_? That's the best you can do?"

"It's not like I go around practicing stuff like this!"

"Some protagonist you are," Hijikata scoffed and yanked on Gintoki's ear. "Try again, but this time don't open your mouth so wide."

"Like this?" Gintoki asked and pursed his mouth into a tiny little o-shape.

Hijikata grabbed his chin and gave it a gentle shake. "Close enough. But don't let it all out at once, there's an art to this."

"Ever think you smoke too much?"

"Never." He flicked some ash away from them. "Now, this time, do it in, like, intervals, ya know?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'll figure it out. Get to it!"

Fingers brushing absently at Gintoki's bicep, Hijikata took a deep breath and made his circle. Gintoki pulled his hand over by the wrist and took his drag, then did as he was instructed. It still wasn't a perfect arrow by any means, but the little stream of smoke actually struck the circle and for a second it looked like a lollipop before the draft destroyed it.

Gintoki let out a whoop of victory and Hijikata... kissed him.

For no real reason, he just felt like it. He meant for it to be a quick one, but Gintoki took to it a little too readily and Hijikata got sucked into it. It was warm in the shelter of their blanket, the breeze felt good, and Gintoki's hands were a hard thing for him to turn down.

"Cigarette," Gintoki murmured between presses of their lips.

Hijikata grunted and his fingers twitched, only then remembering he even had the stupid thing in his grasp. He kissed Gintoki a few more times, then forced himself to turn his head away so he could shove the stub into the metal armrest of the bench. Some of the ash had fallen onto the blanket since he'd just kind of let the thing burn while he'd been... preoccupied, but he didn't care and he knew Gintoki wouldn't give a shit about some ash on their bedding, either.

"It feels good out here."

"To you, maybe," Hijikata retorted and shifted to get up. "Let's go back inside."

"Mm... two more minutes?"

Hijikata gave him a noogie. "How old are you? Get your ass up!"

"Quit!" Gintoki leaned away and batted at Hijikata. "You'll mess up my hair!"

"And you called _me_ the diva earlier."

Gintoki stood and stretched his arms above his head. "Of course, you and your mayo hips don't walk, you sashay."

With a loud groan, Hijikata went back inside and let Gintoki wrangle the blanket in. They both went to the bed and Hijikata collapsed in a completely sated pile. He found the lube and set it on the nightstand where it wouldn't be forgotten, then flopped onto his back. Gintoki fell in next to him and courteously threw the blanket over him so they could build up another microwave of heat between them. The TV got turned back on – Hijikata didn't recall it ever being turned off, so Gintoki must have done that – and the volume was kept low. Gintoki flicked around a bit, but must not have been too invested in what was on because he stopped on what would later become the weather channel featuring Ketsuno Ana.

"You said checkout isn't until noon, right?"

"Yeah."

Gintoki was reclined on his back against the pillow. "So then what time will you be leaving?"

"Don't gotta be back until afternoon."

A strange look passed over Gintoki's face and Hijikata wasn't surprised at all. They didn't really get to sleep in together, Hijikata usually had to be gone and away early if he stayed the night. Or he was kicking Gintoki out early, something that never made either of them happy. Gintoki had to get up and get out while Hijikata had to fight him the whole way because he was a cranky permy idiot in the wee hours of the morning.

"Oh," was all Gintoki said.

But then he punched Hijikata right on his bruise.

"_Fucker! _Goddamn it, moron, what the hell was that for?"

"My aching jaw, what else? You think you're the only one that gets to hit without warning? Ha, I say!"

Roaring, Hijikata tackled him and they rolled across the length of the bed, the blanket getting tangled up around them. There might have definitely been some kissing in there, but it was mostly a lot of hitting and kicking. It ended in a flimsy truce and they found a movie guide in the drawer of the nightstand along with a list of channels. They came to blows over which movie to watch, but settled on a more recent action film that had a few too many explosions to be realistic.

In the morning, they'd get to sleep in, though, Hijikata was sure he'd be awake at his usual time. Still, he'd get to just rest with Gintoki and they could even get some breakfast or lunch after checkout, then head home afterward if there was time. Whose home – his or Gintoki's – it didn't matter, both were pretty much the same. It would be a morning out of their usual routine and Hijikata could only see it as a good thing, something that he was looking forward to. The nausea in his stomach had turned back into butterflies, but he couldn't pinpoint when that had occurred.

By the time the movie ended, Hijikata's eyelids were drooping dangerously. Gintoki was fast asleep before the credits started to roll, so it was up to Hijikata to turn off the TV. He tried not to jostle the bed too much as he laid back down, but that wasn't exactly easy. His eyes adjusted to the darkness and he was able to make out Gintoki's features fairly well thanks to the weak light coming in from outside. He figured he should go close the blinds so they wouldn't be disturbed by the sun, but he highly doubted the sun wasn't something Gintoki could sleep right through.

They were facing each other and Hijikata spent a considerable amount of time just listening to Gintoki breathe. It was a lulling sound and he felt his eyelids start to droop again, but there was still something left undone. He was well aware he hadn't done what he'd set out to do, but he didn't feel like he'd failed. Sliding himself closer, he made it so they were on the same pillow and he watched Gintoki's eyelashes flicker against his cheek in sleep.

Leaning in, Hijikata had to settle for mouthing the words soundlessly against Gintoki's forehead.

He'd give voice to them someday... today just wasn't that day.

**The End**


End file.
